


killed him? wait, what, literally?

by copperwings



Series: five word prompts [8]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: M/M, neither of their penis is bitten off, they just read shit online, turtles biting people's penises off, yeah sorry about that mental image
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-30
Updated: 2017-06-30
Packaged: 2018-11-21 11:21:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11356461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/copperwings/pseuds/copperwings
Summary: The prompt was Otayuri with "killed him? wait,what, literally?"-In which the internet is full of weird shit and people are so stupid that Yuri wonders how the human race has gotten this far.





	killed him? wait, what, literally?

**Author's Note:**

> There was a [list of five word prompts](https://worldofcopperwings.tumblr.com/post/162352314184/five-word-prompts) on tumblr. I'm gathering the prompts here from tumblr so they're easier to find.

“It says here a turtle once killed a man by biting his penis off,” Otabek says, his eyes trained at his phone screen. It looks like his eyes are ready to bulge out of his head.

Yuri looks up from his own phone and stares at Otabek incredulously. “Ha ha, good one.”

Otabek’s face looks something in between horrified and intrigued. “No, I’m serious.”

Yuri shudders. “Killed him? Wait, _what_ , literally? Eww, what the fuck.”

“Apparently he was swimming, _naked_ , in an area where swimming was discouraged because of all the sea life in the region, and the turtle just swam to him and…bit it off.” Otabek’s face is scrunched up in a way that indicates he can secondhand-feel the pain that must have caused.

Yuri is pretty sure his own penis is currently cringing in pain in his jeans and trying to hide.

“Did he bleed to death?” Yuri scoots closer and peeks at the article over Otabek’s shoulder. Thankfully there are no pictures.

“No, that’s what’s so stupid about this. He was too _embarrassed_ to go see a doctor, and he got an infection. Then the _infection_ killed him.” Otabek shakes his head. “Man, people are such idiots.”

Yuri wants to gag thinking about an infection down there. 

He’s watched a lot of Fail Army on YouTube, though, so he knows all about the stupidity of people. Sometimes he wonders how humans as a race have made it this far.

Otabek inhales in a way that indicates a, _but wait, there’s more!_ coming, but Yuri is having none of that. He slams his palm on Otabek’s mouth. “Shut up, Beka. I don’t wanna hear anything more about bitten-off penises and nether-region infections.” He curls up and buries his head into Otabek’s shoulder, holding his hand over Otabek’s mouth. “It’s disgusting.”

He can feel Otabek grin against his hand, and then there is the unmistakable feeling of a tongue licking his palm. “Eww, jesus, what the hell, Beka?!” Yuri looks up to glare at Otabek and then drags his palm down the front of Otabek’s shirt. _Let him marinate in his own saliva._

“I was trying to speak, but your hand was in the way,” Otabek states matter-of-factly. “I was going to say we could watch kitten videos on YouTube to get rid of the mental images of infected cocks?”

Yuri settles back down against Otabek’s shoulder and sighs happily as tiny kittens wobble across the phone’s screen, crawl over one another and sleep in a furry pile. Ah, yes. This is infinitely better.

He is fairly sure he can never watch another animal video about turtles, though.


End file.
